Want
by datawolf39
Summary: Sherlock is convinced that John will eventually leave him. John finds out and makes a plan. Slash one-shot,


**A/N This is an idea that I had for a while. It's based off the idea of a Spirk fic by CMM called Different Roles.**

** I bolded John's lines at a point. That way you can read the conversation and easily 'hear' what Sherlock heard.**

* * *

Despite what every person that Sherlock and John knew, as well as people they didn't, would tell you, the two of them had only recently crossed the barrier of friendship and sailed into the territory of

romantic involvement.

It was a long process what with the sexual identity crisis one of them had to face and the I'm-above-the-need-of-sex-and-sexuality complex the other had. But with the feelings left over from the year long hiatus that Sherlock had taken in order to dismantle Moriarty's web it was hardly a wonder that the two of them were unable to deny that there was chemistry between them that signified more than just friendship.

However, not a lot changed as a result of this new arrangement. Sherlock still solved crimes and John blogged about it. Sherlock did tend to forget his pants more often though. But John was aware that there was a sadness in Sherlock that came after they had made the announcement that they were together. At first he had simply assumed that there was something he had done wrong. But later he noticed that it was there all the time. It was there at crime scenes, at breakfast time, in bed while in the midst of a passionate shag, and basically anytime Sherlock was looking at him. He was reluctant to bring it up though, since Sherlock didn't seem to want to talk about it so he pretended not to notice it since he would find out eventually. At least he hoped so.

Sherlock was sure that John had noticed the sadness but he was grateful that he hadn't said anything about it. He did not wish to speak of it because it was something that was inevitable that made him so sad at a time where he should be the happiest person on the planet.

The problem was that John was going to leave him. Maybe not today or tomorrow but one day this life wouldn't be enough and Sherlock wouldn't be enough. John would leave him and find a woman to settle down with. He had no doubt that John loved him but that was only right now. He knew just how quickly love could disappear especially in his case. He was never meant to be loved and finding John and having him like this for even a moment was more than he deserved.

Some of the doubt came from the past but much of it, to his shame, came from Donovan and Anderson. Had it only been them he might have dismissed it but others had the same opinion and they knew way more of relationships than he did. Lestrade on occasion had teased him saying John was too good for him and he knew it but the DI had been joking. Anderson and Donovan though, were serious. Always saying that one day John would up and leave him. Taunting him and saying things that were hurtful. Of course he never let it show that he was effected by what they said and they always did it when he was alone and he was grateful for that small favor because at least John didn't have to suffer this taunting because of him. He knew that it would hurt John more since the man had always been sensitive when it came to their relationship even when they had been merely friends. He wasn't sure of the reason for them doing it when John was absent. Perhaps they respected John or more likely they feared retaliation since most of the people that messed with Sherlock tended to end up with bullet wounds.

But that all changed one day during a case.

Sherlock and John had been called in to consult on a murder case. Well Sherlock had been called and John loyally followed.

"Let's have it then," Sherlock said impatiently to Lestrade.

Lestrade, used to this kind of treatment by now, launched into the details of the murder.

John as per usual looked at the body, gave the cause of death, and stood back to watch his boyfriend work. He was at the wall closest to the door which was why he heard the whispers of the two officers at the door.

"When do you think Watson will get fed up with the freak?" Anderson asked.

"Soon enough. It's a miracle he hasn't shot him already," was the reply from Donovan.

John saw red. What did they think they knew. _They_ hadn't lost their best friend for a year, _They _ hadn't been on the verge of suicide for the last few months of that year. So _they_ had no right to talk like that and then it clicked. This was why Sherlock was sad. He thought that John was going to get fed up one day and leave him. 'The idiot probably thinks that I still want to find some woman to settle down with too' he thought. Knowing Sherlock just telling him that he loved him with everything that he was wouldn't solve the problem because Sherlock would surely think that just because he was certain of the love he felt now, wouldn't mean that he would always be in love with him.

Now he knew the problem but he had no solution. 'The only way I could possibly show him would be to...' and John smiled. That was a brilliant idea and it would work to. He laughed triumphantly, his plan was awesome. It had the potential to be somewhat embarrassing but he wasn't surprised since it was something that he was doing for Sherlock.

"John?" Sherlock called to him a bit concerned. It was only then he realized where he was and the fact that everyone on the scene was watching him and he flushed with embarrassment. How could he have forgotten that he was at a crime scene?!

"Sorry," he mumbled. He and Sherlock had done their share of giggling at crime scenes but this was different. When they both did it, even though it was not a good thing, he felt like he had an excuse but right now he just felt really embarrassed about it.

"Jesus, mate calm down," Lestrade said walking over to John who was obviously dying of embarrassment if the fact that he was flushed like a ripe tomato was any indication. First it was just the fact that he had laughed and been stared at but then he was embarrassed about being embarrassed in the first place which led to even more embarrassment. Oh how he wanted to bang his head against a wall so badly.

"If I arrested folks for laughing at crime scenes that wanker over there would be the first to go." Lestrade said.

Sherlock shifted his head in a way that was an eye roll minus the effort and walked over to his, still red as a tomato, boyfriend. "Sister did it." he told Lestrade and then he used a hand to lift John's head so he could see his eyes. Usually John was easy to read but at that moment he had on a neutral expression to give nothing away. Sherlock found this a bit disturbing. A second look revealed even less than the first and finally Sherlock sighed and looked away.

John felt bad about having shut Sherlock out but if Sherlock got wind of his plan it wouldn't turn out half as well as it would if the detective was kept in the dark.

When they got back to the flat,one cab ride later, John had sat in his chair attempting to give off the vibe that all was well of course he generally failed miserably but Sherlock soon figured that he wouldn't know what John was hiding until he was good and ready to say it.

Soon Sherlock was occupied with an experiment and John saw that as his chance to go up to what used to be his room to make a call. Of course the moment that Sherlock heard the door shut he raced up the stairs to listen.

* * *

"John?" Mycroft answered.

"**Hey there."**

"I never expected you to call me again. Is something wrong?"

"**You know good and well that I forgave you for that the moment I found out why he had to go and no nothing is wrong."**

"Is there something you need then? Surely you aren't calling to reschedule tea time now that Sherlock is back with you."

"**Of course not, Mycroft, although yours is better than any I've ever had before. But I do need you to help me."**

"What has Sherlock done now?" he sighed

"**Why do you think Sherlock has something to do with this? You know how I feel about you. That hasn't changed just because he came back. You know that right?" **

"Of course, as I remember you said that you regarded me as an annoying, meddling... older sibling," he said sounding less than confident that it was still true after having lied to him for a year. John shook his head for a set of geniuses the Holmes brothers sure were idiots. Then Mycroft added, "Now what has Sherlock done?"

"**Okay you got me." **John relented. "**This is about Sherlock but I can't tell you here cause he might hear me. Can I meet you sometime?"**

"How about tomorrow? Just give a sign to the camera closest to you and I'll send a car around."

"**Thanks My. See you then." **John said and then hung up.

Now that he had the meeting scheduled he just had to pack without making Sherlock suspicious.

Sherlock ran down the stairs and back to the table. He didn't know how he felt. His significant other was meeting up with his brother...voluntarily. The conversation itself was at best them planning something for him and at worst it seemed that John might be having an affair. He knew that it was highly unlikely but he also knew that in truth he had no idea how close John and Mycroft were in the year he was off taking out Moriarty's people.

A few minutes later John came down the stairs humming a tune and looking a bit too happy as he walked toward him, gave him a light peck on the cheek and went into their bedroom. Sherlock could hear him moving around, opening drawers and taking clothes and moving them elsewhere.

Sherlock frowned was John leaving him? Had he messed up so badly that John was going to use Mycroft to help him run away and never be found, Sherlock heard the suitcase snap shut and then it was moved most likely under the bed.

Sherlock couldn't stand it. "What are you doing?" he asked as he came into their room.

"Packing," John said.

Sherlock rolled his eyes. "Why?" he asked.

"For a trip."

Sherlock was mad and a bit scared. John was being particularly obvious today meaning that Sherlock wasn't going to find out what was going on until John choose to tell him. He hated when John did this. It had only happened once before. John showed him at that time that he was able to keep something a secret from him. It was then that John had told him that he didn't usually bother because most of the time it was more trouble than it was worth to do. But obviously whatever this was, was a secret that was worth protecting.

Sherlock was going to ask more questions but suddenly he had no desire to have answers. He knew that John would at best give him half-truths and at worse would lie to him. He really didn't want either of those to happen.

John hated to have to deceive Sherlock but if his plan worked than it would be worth it and the sadness would go away forever.

The next morning when Sherlock woke up he found that John was gone and had taken the suitcase that he had packed the previous night. For a moment Sherlock was sure that he had left because he was tired of him. After all his brother was sort of a better version of him as much as he hated to admit it. His brother was a bit more social, a lot less destructive, and had quite a bit to offer to a mate. But then he noticed the item hanging on the bedroom door. It was John's dog tags. John wore them only when he was going on extended trips since he didn't want them to accidentally end up in the Thames while being on a case. The fact that he hadn't taken them said that he was coming back and that was most likely the reason that they had been put there in the first place to show him that John was going to come back to him. Sherlock held the tags between his hands before putting them on and tucking them into his shirt. The metal was cool against his chest.

The next day he was at a crime scene. It felt odd and unsettling not to have John at his back and he endured taunts from the idiots that weakened his belief that John would return to him. By the fourth day of John being gone Sherlock was starting to worry even with the call that he had received from his brother telling him that John was fine.

On the fifth day he was more aloof than usual. He hadn't slept in a while and he was knew that he needed to eat something because things were getting a bit blurry around the edges of his vision. Despite being impaired he still went to the crime scene when Lestrade called him.

When he got there Lestrade met him at the cab. "I just wanted to tell you that John called me earlier today and told me to give you a message."

Sherlock perked up at that and looked at Lestrade eagerly.

"He said and I quote " Sherlock you are an idiot. You need to take better care of yourself. I am watching you. I have put to much work into your transport for you to neglect it like this. I called Lestrade because I need to be away for longer so I couldn't risk giving clues about where I am." that was all he said."

Sherlock smiled. He didn't know if he should be happy or angry that John had resorted to Mycroft's tactics to see that he was okay or if he should just be angry at just how well John was learning to hide things from him.

* * *

One hundred and forty four hours later found Sherlock at yet another crime scene. He looked terrible and gave off waves of melancholy. It was obvious that he really did miss John. It had been eleven days since John had left and Lestrade feared that Sherlock surely wouldn't make it too much longer if the trend continued.

Suddenly a black car pulled up at the curb of the building. Sherlock's eyes lit up when he noticed it. It was one of Mycroft's. It had to be John.

The driver got out of the vehicle and opened the back door on the passenger side of the car. Out stepped a man. His golden-gray hair was freshly cut, his tailored suit subtly showcased his body, the coat he had on was almost like Sherlock's except it was smaller and the lapels had light blue thread sown in around the edges, and his brilliant blue eyes took in the scene quickly. The man dismissed the driver and walked up to the crime scene. Well strutted might be a better word to use to describe the way that he had walked.

"John?" Greg questioned not believing that this was the man that he knew.

"Hello Gregory. I apologize for just showing up so suddenly at your crime scene but I really couldn't sit at Baker Street waiting for Sherlock to show up. I would have surely lost my mind," John said.

Before Greg could reply Sherlock was there taking in John's new look. The detective's aquamarine eyes were huge. Sherlock found that he was unable to read John. It was like the first time he had met Irene but it was more shocking because it was John and not some stranger. He knew John. Even when John was hiding something behind the neutral mask there was still something there to be read. But now there wasn't anything.

"Sherlock," John exclaimed happily but he made no move to embrace him. Sherlock was confused. "Are you done here? There is a conference on string theory that I wish to attend. I know that the idiots involved are bound to have things wrong but I still want to go anyway."

"He hasn't even started yet," Lestrade said.

"Well then maybe we should go inside so that he can do what he does best and hopefully we can still make it on time." with that John proceeded inside only to burst out in laughter when he saw the body laying on the carpet. Everyone in attendance, Sherlock, Lestrade, Sally, Anderson, and some other guy John didn't personally know, looked at him as though he had lost his mind. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "The thing is it's just so _obvious_ what's happened here. Surely Scotland Yard's finest could figure this out without help."

Blank stares from the cops present.

John sighed. "She was obviously poisoned. The teacup that lies broken beside her is highly sentimental. The fact that she dropped it signifies that she lost control. The fact she was drinking out of it, ignorant to the fact that it was poisoned, means that someone she was very close to was here and made the tea for her and that whoever it was was allowed to touch and utilize the cup unsupervised since she trusted them. Care to hazard a guess who it was. I'll even give you a clue. Her mother is dead as is her father. She hasn't had a lover in years, she was an only child and she was not very social at all."

"The daughter," Lestrade said.

"Yes most likely it was for the life insurance her mother had. Anyway once the tox report comes back you can confirm it." With that John marched away from the body and over to his significant other. "Let's go. If we hurry we can still make the conference." Sherlock left ahead of John. John looked like he was about to leave to before he turned back toward the Yarders.

He marched up to Sally and Anderson and said, "I forgot to tell you something. I would use proper language but that might be to much for you two imbeciles to understand so I will say it like this: Bugger off. Sherlock is _mine _and I am very possessive of him. I won't allow you to hurt him like you have been doing If you ever dare to insinuate that one day I will leave him ever again I will know and you will suffer for it." he finished coldly his blue eyes like ice.

Sherlock chose that moment to come back in because he realized that John hadn't followed him. "Sorry." John said his voice normal once more. He bent down a retrieved a pen. "I lost this and I needed to find it." It was a engraved pen very expensive from the look of it and nobody had noticed when he had dropped it but it was certainly his because it had his name on in in bold old English font.

"Come on." John said as he proceeded to drag Sherlock out.

A few hours later the pair arrived at Baker Street. The conference had went well and was more fun than Sherlock had anticipated. He had never known that John had an interest in science of any kind well minus medicine of course.

When the two of them got in the flat John made tea, said nothing about how ragged Sherlock looked, and sat down to watch the telly. Nothing very good was on much to John's disappointment so he tossed the remote away and went to the bedroom without so much as saying goodnight.

Sherlock for his part was shell-shocked. Who was this man that snatched John's body. He was aloof, observant, rude, and didn't nag not one bit. Sherlock soon discovered that there was a lot more than that had changed. Whoever this personality was had a higher tolerance for sleeplessness than John had ever had, didn't desire intercourse anymore, and had a fashion sense that was startlingly similar to his.

Sherlock was fast becoming worried, he had even called Mycroft to figure out what in the world was going on with John. Mycroft told him next to nothing and John continued to be a suave, sophisticated, observant stranger.

* * *

Finally Sherlock could take it no more and he broke. It was at a crime scene a full seven days after John had come back to him this way and he was looking over a crime scene when he just couldn't take it anymore. "What is the matter with you?!" he roared finally out of patience.

To his surprise John smiled and laughed at him as though there was some grand joke that had been told that he was missing.

Before he could get too upset John spoke."It's about time you idiot," John said fondly. Then the smaller man proceeded to embrace him despite the audience.

"What's going on John?" Sherlock asked completely puzzled at John's reaction to his outburst.

After a quick kiss John stepped back from him. "I noticed that you were sad a lot. Not that you said anything but I could see it in your eyes. Then I heard Anderson and Donovan talking and I knew what was wrong. But I didn't know how to fix it. Then I had the idea to do this," he said as he indicated himself. "I wanted to become the perfect partner for you." John explained when he read the confusion in Sherlock's face.

"You already were," Sherlock said.

" Exactly." John said.

Sherlock wondered if this was what it was like when he said things were obvious because right now he did not understand and it was driving him nuts.

John took pity on him and explained. "This is what you _should_ want in a perfect partner. Someone aloof, with good upbringing, that can be beside you anytime day or night, and shares your love of experimentation. Someone with a low desire for bodily pleasures. Someone that doesn't force you to do things that you don't want to like eating and sleeping. So I went to Mycroft and he trained me into the person that you should want."

It clicked then. Sherlock realized that yes these were the traits that someone he should want would have but he just wanted John because that was who he fell in love with and he would never want a this over what he and John had. Could it be that the same was true for John? That despite the idea that John always had about how his life would end up he was content to spend the rest of his life with Sherlock just because he loved him? It had to be true because John had done all this just to prove to him that just because there are things you _should_ want doesn't mean that you _do_ want them.

Sherlock felt a rush of emotion and he had no idea how to express it. So he settled for a passionate snog with his beloved because as little as he had once cared for snogging, intercourse, and cuddling John had made it a need for him and he missed it.

"Let's go home," Sherlock suggested.

John nodded in agreement.

"Oi you two. You didn't even give us the suspect for this murder!" Lestrade called.

Both of them turned. "It was the boyfriend," they said in unison. They made eye contact and burst into giggles.


End file.
